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Category: Crazy

Make Noise

Recently found a gem of a book called What’s Wrong with the Dance? (1935). The writer, John R. Rice, identifies himself as a fundamentalist. Here are some quotations for your edification (or entertainment):

When David danced, he leaped and praised God. But there wasn’t any embracing of the opposite sex.

If there ever was in a community some low down, dirty rake who would seduce any girl and lead her to hell, he went to a dance. Nobody will deny that.

You are not with the crowd that is going to heaven when you go to the dance.

Drunken dancers always make a noise.

What is there about the dance that makes people want to pull off their clothes? What is there about the dance that changed the habits of dress of women? Women don’t wear corsets any more to dances. Corset manufacturers agree that they have been practically put out of business by the influence of the rotten dance.

Sisters, you bunch of hens, you who have been carrying on these dances in your homes, don’t open your chops. You have paved the way for lewdness, trained boys and girls in it. You put the dance on in the public school. You are guilty in God Almighty’s sight. The lewdness will curse Dallas in the Texas Centennial. You are partners in it. You are as guilty as hell!

I am going to drive the dance out of the schools in two or three or four years or five. I give you fair warning, you bunch of hens, who would make prostitutes out of my daughters.

The immodesty, the promiscuity, the jealousy created by the dance bring thousands of divorces.

Murder goes with the modern dance. Why? Because a man that kills his wife is a man who doesn’t trust her, despises her, believes her untrue. Remember, now, the breakdown of every instinct of morality and righteousness goes on when the modern dance goes on, and murder follows.

Drunken dancers always make a noise.

Surprise

Too much junk in the garage? In the past, I’ve donated to the ARC or given it away at birthday parties. Take the following:

Old urinal found on a construction site and forgotten behind the freezer? Clean it up. Line it with aluminum foil. Fill it with cookies. Perfect gift.

How to get rid of the Russian/English dictionary and assorted coins from a trip in 1990? Throw them in a box along with a furry hat that has pull-down earflaps and draw Lenin’s portrait (red crayon, of course) on the outside. Think Marxist friend. Everybody has one.

What to do with Backstreet Boys video and New Kids on the Block band biographies? Bundle them up with a cheap Ricky Martin poster as well as an A Menudo cassette tape and surprise your sister or her roommate from college. (What girl doesn’t like boy bands?)

But this week I stumbled on a new strategy. I took the wig, the framed Last Supper, the costume jewelry, the Jewish Holidays coffee table book, and hid them at a friends house – under the couch, up on the mantle, inside the dog’s bed, piled on the bottom shelf of a bookcase – each one a happy surprise for my friend to deal with (and wonder about) later.

As for me, I’ve made it to three homes since Friday and am almost two boxes closer to a clutter-free existence. I feel smart.

under the couch, up on the mantle, inside the dog’s bed, piled on the bottom shelf of a bookcase – each one a happy surprise for my friend

PO Box 751 . Newberg OR 97132-0751